Whose Shoes Are You Wearing?

A few days ago, I shared this particular picture on my facebook page. Not that I'm a big fan of this actress. In fact, I judge her. She can perform any number of charity works yet I still don't regard her very highly. Well, I guess this time I have to stuff my fist into my mouth.

You see, I judge people. No. I often boast in my ability to read people. I seldom make mistakes in picking gestures and facial expressions which reflect what type of person they are. I can tell when a man has been through a lot of hardships from the way he pouts. I can tell from one's glance that she's a slick and not trustworthy. I can tell from a customer's voice over the phone, and later a visit to my office, that this man is very smart yet calm.

Too bad, seldom means not always. And that means I do make mistakes. And this evening, to my shame, I just did.

I was rushing to the clinic to drop off my mom to see the dentist. Exhausted and hungry, I ordered some satay and rice cake for dinner from a street-food vendor near the clinic. As I approached the parking lot, I saw this black car which occupied one and a-half lot. He crossed the marking spot and took over the adjacent space.

I seethed right away. Certainly someone was careless and selfish, or perhaps blind!! One spot is not enough for him. So I had to park further away. I dropped off my mom, registered her at the desk, took her to the examination room, and left the clinic to pick up my dinner.

When I went back to the clinic, I saw a vacant space right next to the ugly black car. No brainer, right? I parked in the correct space. Meaning 10 cm away from the driver's seat of that car. Meaning it's my spot. I was exercising my rights and maybe next time you could park more carefully and politely. There. I put my foot down, shook off my head and sat on a bench outside the clinic to enjoy my dinner.

The satay was good. The mosquitos were annoying. As I ate and stomped my feet to shoo the mosquitos, the clinic doors opened. A man was carrying a little girl on his shoulder. Obviously she was very sick. Then I heard: "Oh, no! I can't open the door. There's just not enough space between the cars."

"Oh," I thought. "So THIS is the not-so-smart driver. Now you see what you've done!" Serve you right.

Then the little girl started crying. The kind of cry that tells you that a little person was in serious pain. The kind of cry that tells you she needed to lie down because she could not bear the discomfort anymore. The kind of cry that made every passerby know she could not wait any longer.

"I'm so sorry," I heard Dad said to her. "But we need to pick up your meds first from the pharmacy. I will have to walk around our car and lay you down. It won't take long. Can you please hold it a little longer?"

Suddenly the satay and rice cake tasted like sawdust and cardboard in my mouth. I had done something awful to those who did not deserve it. I made it even worse than I thought the other person had done to me. I prolonged a child's suffering because I had let myself lose my cool. My temper got the best of me. And I was so, so ashamed of myself.

Tonight I learned a very valuable lesson. The hard way. The saying goes "Don't judge a person until you have tried to walk in his shoes." Well, I had obviously forgotten to do so. I had even forgotten to take off mine before I did that.

So, next time, Lily, make sure you bow down your head and look down to check whose shoes you are wearing!

When I Was Angry With God

Okay, I admit it. Every year at Christmastime, I came to Jesus with a wish list. In case He forgot. It’s a birthday celebration, and there should be plenty of presents. And treats and goodies. Okay, I admit it. Every year, the list grew longer. Because apparently some of the wishes were still on the list. Meaning, they didn’t come true yet. And then there were years when I didn’t even bother showing Him my list. As if He needed me to. As if He asked for one. Because I got angry. I grew tired of showing Him and reminding Him of my list. I grew tired of making the list. Why bother? Instead of crossing it off, I kept adding things that I wanted. No. Things that I needed. I guess this time it’s different. A dear friend of mine got lymphoma cancer. She found it out in February. It was stage 3 already. I prayed. Althought not as fervently as I should. Because, you see, I was still pouting. But I prayed. Everytime I got a chance to. While I was washing dishes. While I was doing my laundry. While I was driving. I prayed. I guess I prayed because I was selfish. I remember what it felt like when my doctor told me the result of the biopsy. That it was benign. I felt like I had brushed shoulders with death after that nasty, depressing surgery. And I was the lucky one. I made it ‘till today. I guess I prayed because I was sad. Up ‘till this day, I’m still grieving for my Dad’s passing. So I knew what it must have felt like for her family to lose a wife and a mother. I wasn’t ready to hear another bad news. I guess I prayed because I was angry. My friend was still able to put a smile on her face when she had lost all her hair. She was still able to declare that the Lord provided what she needed while she could no longer stand up on her feet after chemotherapies. How could someone, anyone, do such a thing? I called it selfish because this time I prayed without faith. I prayed for God to ease her pain. To make it quick and painless. I prayed and expected the worst. I braced myself to hear news about her. And today I heard the news, alright. It wasn’t the news I expected, though. She told me today that she was on remission from her cancer. That her scan result showed that she was all clear. I cried tears at my office desk. When she told me that she felt like the person whose friends made a hole in the roof and lowered her to the feet of Jesus. That the faith of her friends made her win this battle. That she would not take this second chance to live for granted. I cried tears when I told her that I praised God for her. He caught each tears that falls. He still heard my faint cries. He saw my exhaustion of clinging to the Rock with my fingernails. He knew I needed to surrender. Because He’s still in charge. So this year, I know the list I’d show God would be a completely different one. Instead od a wish list, it would be grateful list. Because there’s so much to be thankful for. Because there’s so much that I haven’t done for Him. Including saying simple thanks. Including giving all glories to Him alone. And then I saw those cute things on the internet…..